Daniel the Tourette’s Engine was locked in the sheds. He had not been able push or pull any coaches for three years. He was feeling sad.

“Oh, ass!” he said. “I wonder how long I’ll have to say in this fucking shit! Will anyone ever see my bright orange paint raping their eyes again?! Why the goddamn bitchin’ hell did I go so fuckin’ fast that the pipe of one of my coaches took a big fat dump everywhere and had to be fixed with pass-hole-ger’s bootlace of all damn things?!”

Whenever Daniel would say something took a big fat dump everywhere, usually towards an inanimate object that couldn’t do so, he meant that something stopped working properly.

Wilbert Vere Thompson had arrived to see him. “Pie toe you’ll saucy,” he said strangely, “endive undertake few nanna bee o spruce-filled attention. People Magazine argh lashing ant mine bail-way end J doughnut hike it atoll!”

Daniel looked on in silence at Wilbert Vere Thompson confusedly. “Hats off goo itchin’. Bears muffin pike Peter mentation. Eye knead to you bake stump fate bars furry em duh hard.”

At the station, Daniel was waiting happily while Derek prepared his train.

“Here are your freight cars, Daniel,” said Derek. “You have some bootlaces ready?” And he ran off laughing. “You got some dicks ready to shove up your smoke box, you faggot?!” Daniel yelled back at him.

“Oh no! No!” the freight cars complained. “We want a proper engine, not an orange monster!” “That dickhead’s not even here at his time and place!” belted out Daniel to prevent any lame, obvious, and dated jokes. He started pulling the train when the conductor gave the signal.

“Move it! Move it!” he puffed. “No way! No way!” screamed the cars. But Daniel didn’t care. As he kept on repeating “Move it! Move it!”, he pulled the screeching cars, still shouting “No way! No way!”, sternly out of the station.

The freight cars tried with all their might to make Daniel give up, but he still kept on.

Sometimes their brakes would slip on, and sometimes their axles would run a high temperature, and each time the problem had to be solved, and each time Daniel would start again, determined not to let them beat him, and sometimes their brakes would slip on, and sometimes their axles would run a high temperature, and each time the problem had to be solved, and each time Daniel would start again, determined not to let them beat him.

And sometimes their brakes would slip on, and sometimes their axles would run a high temperature, and each time the problem had to be solved, and each time Daniel would start again, determined not to let them beat him, and sometimes their brakes would slip on, and sometimes their axles would run a high temperature, and each time the problem had to be solved, and each time Daniel would start again, determined not to let them beat him.

And sometimes their brakes would slip on, and sometimes their axles would run a high temperature, and each time the problem had to be solved, and each time Daniel would start again, determined not to let them beat him, and sometimes their brakes would slip on, and sometimes their axles would run a high temperature, and each time the problem had to be solved, and each time Daniel would start again, determined not to let them beat him.

And sometimes their brakes would slip on, and sometimes their axles would run a high temperature, and each time the problem had to be solved, and each time Daniel would start again, determined not to let them beat him.

“I’m doing it! I’m doing it! I’M DOING IT!!!!” he puffed. “Where’s the horse-fucking, cock-sucking shit bottom of the frickin’ hill?!” Then, with a sudden jerk, pulling the freight train became much easier! “I did it! I did it! I am totally eating these freight cars’ asses noooowww!!!”

Daniel was resting in the yard when Edmund pulled up. “Peep! Peep!” he whistled. Then, Daniel saw Wilbere Vere Thompson. “Oh no. What will he say?” Daniel asked himself.

Find out after these messages!

Have a major mess that you need to remove immediately? Try Cyanide Paper Towels! It cleans up the thickest of messes in just 3 seconds! Other kinds of apples leave wet spots on your face after you eat them, but Cyanide Paper Towels leave no residue on your countertops, no matter how long after they’re cleaned!

Buy Cyanide Paper Towels—the inefficient paper towel! Now available in the Frozens section of Acme, ShopRite, Macmo, and Shopland! Rated NC-17.