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The logo for the fantasy comedy parody, "The Epiflairy," written in Adobe Caslon Pro Small Caps in gold and having a coarse appearance, similar to the Lord of the Rings logo.
The non-existent primordial goddess Cásim with the golden egg from her anus cracking below her as representations of the four classical elements (earth, water, fire, and air) surround her.

BOOK I

THE CREATION


Before the sea and the earth and the all-engulfing heavens came to be,

the entirety of the universe displayed nothing; no sights, scents, or sounds.

Yet in that void, all barren and vacant, the universe exhibited also a goddess,

which men have named Cásim, with women giving the same name as well.

Cásim was a transparent, featureless vacuum, composed of nothing but nihility,

engulfing all the unoccupied universe with her arid body, sitting around acting inert.


On her inception, Cásim, the primordial being, received a vision, its origin a mystery,

about a massive golden object, ovular in shape, the surface ever lustrous and glorious.

The goddess was at a loss for a solution; no idea had arrived to her

as to what this item was from her vision or how to retrieve this object.


The chasm remained in the empty vacuum that also consisted of herself

with no actions to do or songs to sing. She remained in the void, often

thinking to herself about the mysterious vision, the meaning of it,

the meaning of them, the definition of he, the explanation of she, the answer

to those, and how to collect this mysterious gilt spherical object from her dream.


Numerous eons and ages of thought and planning for the chasm goddess

finally developed in resulting with absolutely no ideas or solutions whatsoever.


At last, after what seemed like a few centuries to this desolate deity, but

to us humans would be millions of millennia dragging on for all eternity,

the goddess thought of a way to obtain the desire from her dreams.

She moved her transparent arm, shaking the whole nonexistence around her,

and reached all the way down, directly into her southernmost cavity.


Searching deeper and deeper, going in a straight line beyond her finger ring,

Cásim the empty and all-encompassing could believe not the destitute eyes,

for she was holding the inscrutable object from the premonition she had:

an egg with the texture of solid gold and dimensions so enormous and big

they are unthinkable to the minds of mere mortal men, women, and children.


Only a modicum of time had passed since the discovery of the golden egg

did Cásim the transparent goddess of the chasm, born before men or gods,

toss the egg, her obsession ever since her birth dream, away from her.


The golden egg which originated from the deep hole of the chasm Cásim

plummeted southward all throughout the blank void of the universe.

There was no ground in existence upon which the egg could land.


After much delay, as a result of descending downward for ages,

the transparent gap deity Cásim's egg of gold suddenly flew upward,

straight north, with the velocity of a peregrine falcon.


For a great while, the amount of which presently remains unknown,

not to any mortal human, as there were no such things yet,

nor even the gods above, of which the chasm Cásim was the sole deity,

the golden egg, ever so lustrous, ascended in the direction opposite

the egg had been previously traveling, falling all the way downwards.

But later, the ascension came to a spontaneous conclusion, stopping at

what would be considered the northernmost area of the vacuum of the cosmos,

higher somehow than even feature-less Cásim, who encompassed all the universe.


Cracks appeared on the surface of the golden egg, increasing in size,

culminating with each crack contacting and intersecting one another.

The egg then fell apart under its failing, its auric surface broken and damaged.

All originally preserved within the shell now were free to spill outside.


Once loaded with absolute blankness, not a color to be viewed by the eyes,

nor a shade or tone of gray visible, not a breeze of wind to be felt,

nor any kind of heat or cold to make any contact on any possible flesh,

the countenance of everything and the whole of the universe now bore

chaotic disorder uniformly waste all around, as far as any eye could see.


The freshly released mass was naught but weight without action, a general

mixture of matter made up of heterogeneous and inharmonious elements.

The land and the water and the flame and the air were all involved

with this massive mess, yet none could walk on the earth, it was impossible

to swim in or drink from the water, the flame could produce no heat,

and the air felt solid.


No element kept its shape nor size nor temperature; all were in struggle

with one another in a single form: the hot with the cold, the dry

with the wet, the solid with the liquid, the liquid with the gas,

the chaste with the perverse, the primary colors with the secondary colors,

the tertiary colors with the primary colors, the liberals with the conservatives,

the liberals with the progressives, and the Bloods with the Crips.


An unidentified deity, still unknown to this day, who was tired of this nonsense,

intervened in the situation and brought this conflict into a conclusion.

He parted the sea from the sky and he split the fire from the land;

he extricated the elements, so to free them from the muss of chaos,

and gave the new spirits realms and tied them down in a tranquil covenant.


The flowing goddess Uáter was placed in the direction of the sunset;

the same mysterious god relocated glowing Faír all the way down to the

lowest region of the cosmos; the god, in direct contrast to his arrangement of

gushing Uáter, positioned malleable Èr to the sphere of the sunrise; and finally,

all-encompassing Ürt, she who bears all things and beings living and dead,

was transplanted by the spirit to the uppermost and highest cosmic area.

The Epiflairy is designed to be parodic
and not intended for readers under the age of 18.

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