THE ASCENSION OF RULERS

Many more decades had passed until the burial method of the

common people had fallen to the ears of the kings of the valleys,

the chieftains of the settlements, the rulers of the villages.

Among these people was the wise king Borus of the land of Kack.

Borus, son of Boron, was the kind and cordial ruler of Kack,

always helping his people, taking the course of what's best for them,

putting the needs of the public above his own needs and desires.

His throne room, like many a leader before and concurrent with him,

was decorated with idealized tales from his life that had actually happened,

captured on the glazed mud bricks of his palace coated in the most vivid

pigments from crushed stones from mother Ürt herself, with the floors making

contact with gypsum reliefs gilded and colored with materials the likes of solid

gold, lapis lazuli, and emerald.

The brilliantly colored scenes covering the walls depicted idealized events and

fantasies that had actually happened to the good king, Borus, including

the son of Boron forcing the invading forces of Tóneïl IV of Khornhólas

out of Kack and back into his vile homeland with the aid of his and his men's

swords and bows—which would strangle the necks of the king and soldiers

upon the arrows being loosed—and him making offers, prostrating himself

towards the mighty Jolían gods for plentiful crops, excellent condition in

battle against foes, and overall well life for the subjects of king Borus.

The burial method from the other village all those years ago had

reached his notice, along with the ears of his royal assistants.

Although he was presently the king of Kack, having inherited the role

from his late father Boron, who had gained the throne following the

death of his father Augustus, who acquired it from his father Aís,

the idea of funerary processions had never occurred to Borus before.

The good king wondered how he and future rulers would be mourned

and remembered after they had passed on. As he pondered these ideas,

one of his loyal advisers had discreetly taken an iron hammer from a

place unknown and, while the king Borus was considering future

funerary processes, struck him viciously on the head, causing him to

tumble down on the many stone steps of his throne room to his finish.

After the adviser had looked towards his compatriots, he awkwardly

stammered out, “I guess we can find out now.” For the funerary process

of King Borus, his loyal men did this: carve a sharp blade out of a stone,

use it to tear the skin, muscle, and tissue off the corpse to remove the

skeleton, take out the internal organs, and, using plaster, made originally

reconstruct the whole body, using seashells for the eyes, and painting

the areas where the hair earlier was.

His body was buried underground, as was Nadie long ago, to be a

bridge between the world of the living and Onsîn, the realm of the

dead as ruled over by Onsîn, which would hopefully have positive

effects on the land of Kack.

Thus, was Borus, along with his descendants, memorialized in that manner,

for decades to come, until a new ruler, Sòp, son of Dòttur, decreed that this

method of mortuary preservation and preparation for the afterlife would no

longer be practiced for him or future monarchs in the land of Kack

because that method was best suited for the filthy, poor plebs.

His throne room, like many a leader before and concurrent with him,

was decorated with idealized tales from his life that had actually happened,

captured on the glazed mud bricks of his palace coated in the most vivid

pigments from crushed stones from mother Ürt herself, with the floors making

contact with gypsum reliefs gilded and colored with materials the likes of solid

gold, lapis lazuli, and emerald.

The brilliantly colored scenes covering the walls depicted idealized events and

fantasies that had actually happened to the mighty leader, Sòp, including

the son of Dòttur forcing the invading forces of Tóneïl IV of Khornhólas

out of Kack and back into his vile homeland with the aid of his and his men's

swords and bows—which would strangle the necks of the king and soldiers

upon the arrows being loosed—and him making offers, prostrating himself

towards the mighty Jolían gods for plentiful crops, excellent condition in

battle against foes, and overall well life for the subjects of king Sòp.

He consulted his closest advisers about more sophisticated mortuary

ceremonies. One adviser suggested that the corpse be preserved in an

alternate manner, rather than being coated in plaster for housing lesser

villagers. Another one stated that the body should be purged of all hydration

and buried in an ornate coffin. Sòp, after hearing these ideas, was quite

pleased that he, the son of Dòttur, thought of these concepts.

The son of Dòttur, ruler of Kack, when his time arrived, had

no intentions of leaving his throne room behind, nor his belongings,

and wished to take them with him to the afterlife. His servants

initially objected to this, seeing how, upon death, he would be

able to bring his physical items—including his weighty wooden

staff coated with gold and crowned with lapis, his fancy bed

bearing his fine-linen blankets, and his Taylor Swift CDs—

into Onsîn, the realm of the dead.

The king cared not how his servants would let his spirit bring

his personal and favorite belongings from the world of the living

to the world of the dead, just that they do make it happen, so that

they would be ready for the son of Dòttur to use when he ultimately

departs from the world of the living to the world of the dead.

His disgruntled advisers eventually decided on creating a tomb

that resembled the throne room of the king, placing all his

favorite items in the room. Further thinking led to the idea of having

everything considered earthly enjoyments, including dining utensils,

clothing, furniture, and more, being part of the tomb to ensure that

no earthly expense would be spared.

As the years flew by, the king of Kack, Sòp, son of Dòttur,

passed away, moving from the living realm on earth to the

realm of Onsîn, ruled by Onsîn, god of the underworld.

The organs inside were removed and preserved in jars.

The king's body was placed in an ornate, golden coffin

encrusted with sapphire, rubies, emeralds, and turquoise,

capped with an idealized, fantastical death mask so truthful.

This coffin was placed inside a copy of the coffin, only carved

in oak and lacking in any decorative designs; this coffin was

placed inside a copy of the coffin, only carved in oak and lacking

in any decorative designs; this coffin was placed inside a copy of

the coffin, only carved in oak and lacking in any decorative designs;

this coffin was placed inside a copy of the coffin, only carved in oak

and lacking in any decorative designs; this coffin was placed inside a

copy of the coffin, only carved in tree bark and lacking any designs.

The coffins were placed in a tomb made to look like the king's

throne room in life, loaded to the brim with his beloved treasures

and belongings, with larger items strewn around the room, almost

resembling pillars while the smaller items were stored in mighty

cases of wood showcasing absolutely true scenes of Sòp that

were totally made up by his servants and advisers.

The tomb was built inside a pyramidal, mortuary fortress, as grand as

the holiest of temples, aiming from the surface towards the sky,

towards the gods of Mount Jolí, the blessed immortal ones whose

ingrown toenails we measly mortals are worthy not of clipping out

of their bodies, coated in limestone so to catch the rays of shining Sån.

Thus, decades later, were all royalty and rulers across not just the

land of Kack, but all around the world were buried this way upon

their passing. And you can try it at home, too!